don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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