$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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