He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
