he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
