Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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