is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
