i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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