Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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