now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize