We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
