they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
