I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
