I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just invented taco cereal.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
