I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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