How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
