Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
