hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
