MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize