I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
