I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
