Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
