he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
