made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
