is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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