We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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