And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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