Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
