would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
