Someone shit on the floor
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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