Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?

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(720): View more from Colorado

Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.

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(310): View more from California

You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again

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(+81): View more from

His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.

(1+81): View more from

You are always hiding in a closet though??

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(813): View more from Florida

It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.

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