Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
