i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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