Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
my liver is dry heaving
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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