he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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