Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
