She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
