when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
