Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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