Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
