Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
