My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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