Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize