I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
