you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
