I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
