Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
