shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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