Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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