White coat. Heels.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
