am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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