Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She is in my trunk
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
