If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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