I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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