So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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