I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
