Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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