Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
