Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
