Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
either way he was missing a nipple.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
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