Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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