those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize