Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize