His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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