whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
