yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
