I am puke
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i think i have herpe
just one?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
