Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
