so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
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