Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
