This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
