We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think I just shit out all my problems.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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