just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
