rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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