Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize