yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
