dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
