new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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