One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
