you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
