Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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