She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
