Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
