yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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