I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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